申请季结束了，彻底结束了，终于终于可以松一口气了。
短短的两个月，却充满着压力、痛苦与崩溃边缘的徘徊。也算是成人之际，社会现实给我上的一课吧。我认识到了真正的冷暖，好坏与纠葛。这远是超乎我所想象的。
很庆幸，总算有了好结果，春光明媚。杜克大学是我的最终选择，也是我最平静的选择。难忘的恰不是这次抉择，而是第一次给予我信心与肯定的那个早晨。
准时起床，洗漱完毕，穿好衣服，双手合十，像极了一个虔诚的信徒，却不知道信的是什么。或许是自己，又是家人。打开伯克利的portal，平静地登陆，Congratulations!赫然写在屏幕的中间，我怔住了。右手食指颤抖着滑了几下鼠标滚轮。确定了，是真的，我被伯克利录取了！没有人能想象我有多么激动，甚至一分钟前的自己也无法想象。我开始呐喊，尖叫，朝着屏幕，朝着窗外，朝着接通电话的母亲那端。我要让看不起我的人，失信于我的人，放弃于我的人看一看，无论如何，我做到了。我不管，我做到了。我想打破每一扇窗户，我想更大声地喊出来，我想让所有的所有都听见。我就是这么挣脱理性。
Hey there, long time no see.
I’ve skipped the review of robotics competition in December, 2020 review and more things that have stayed on my pocket notes for months. I apoligized but I really couldn’t allocate some time to do so because of the anxious, intense, formiddable(there’s more) application season.
But I learned a lot.
I have to say I’ve never been so tierd at any moment in my life. I thought it would be a regular semester for me, just with some extra works on application essays and other stuff. However, I definitely underestimated the workload and energy of it.
Though I have applied for Stanford Summer Institute in the beginning of 2020 all by myself, with 8+ application essays, this time I still felt like a completely new challenge for me.
When writting essays, I want to eagerly find some real points that I could match with the school I applied for, which costs time, a lot of time… My conselor told me, “just search on its website, found some courses and research areas, and then everything done.” I don’t think so, however. I believe the more time I invested in truly researched the school, the more possibility I will be accepted. I cannot accept myself submitting essays without staying overnight for several times.
I always recognized myself as a positive and optimistic person, but not this time. My mood was changed dramatically within a day-time, which influenced me from each and every aspects of my life including school works, coding and especially writing applicaiton essays. Self-doubts are common these days.
And to be honest, I encountered some unpleasant things. 3 times of failure in taking TOEFL really distroyed my mind. I nearly gave up. And until now I still don’t have a great score. I just hope all my efforts and pain experienced in writing essays could compensate the negative effects it brings to me.
Seeing my classmates received their dream offers, I am really happy for them. Also I am really upset for myself. Their futures journeys are somehow well-prepared while I am still seeking for opportunities and waiting.
There are still so many things I would like to share on my blog, yet 3 school essays are still needed to be done. /(ㄒoㄒ)/~~
I just hope universities and colleges I applied for could really understand my experience and ambitions through my application.
Good luck to myself and all fellow applicants!
